


(in)complete

by Mother_North



Series: Dark Matter [10]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Blink and you miss it Yuzuvier, Emotional Porn, Flashbacks, Introspection, Kinky, M/M, Male sex dolls, Masturbation, Other, Psychology, Self-Indulgent, Self-Lubrication, Self-cest, Smut, Sorry Not Sorry, Tags Are Hard, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-14
Updated: 2019-06-14
Packaged: 2020-05-07 17:42:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19214350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mother_North/pseuds/Mother_North
Summary: Yuzuru promised that he would indulge himself once or twice a week, even designing a special schedule which made him shiver with anticipation from head to toe when the predetermined night arrived…





	(in)complete

**Author's Note:**

> RPF disclaimer: this is a work of fiction and it is not meant to offend anyone. It is a product of author’s imagination only. All thoughts, actions and emotions described below have nothing to do with reality.

*

Yuzuru closes his eyes to concentrate. He has mastered the art of laser-sharp focus through years of visualization. He loved it since childhood, the intriguing process of creating mental images in your mind when your brain is working to its fullest capacity with an almost eideismic feel to it. Yuzuru liked to use imagination, to dissolve in it without a trace and as one of his former coaches had aptly put it was one of his major strengths.

Actually, it was a special ability that made Yuzuru unique – visualizing for hours on end, lying on the bed in his bedroom, too lost in his own dreams to care for the surrounding reality.

A _Wonder-boy_ they used to call him. There was something in him that grabbed your attention at once: the impression that he seemingly soared across the ice, his inborn musicality and the way the simplest of movements could turn into a meaningful one; Yuzuru let the choreography go straight through his fiery heart.

Besides he liked improvising on the ice. For example, there was this upbeat jazzy program into which small Yuzuru threw his whole being with a moving childish abandon, without reserve and with passion. It captivated him – the sensation of wind in his ears and hair, the scratch of sharp blades and the feeling of flight it gave him. He will be forever grateful to Saya for wanting to try figure skating.

Yuzuru saw it as a challenge right from the start – to outdone his senior sister, to master the difficult elements and to work on his rare-for-a-boy flexibility. The friendly, harmless rivalry with his own sister made Yuzuru learn what it meant to constantly want more – from a burning desire to better your own sister to battling for two consecutive Olympic gold medals.

He knew he had no other option than to win. He felt it was predestined from above.

Were there even gods somewhere out there..? Were they watching a lanky teen on the night of eerie silence, despair and destruction, when billions of stars were twinkling on the dark sky above his native Sendai?

Yuzuru couldn’t tear his eyes away from the black velvet of the night sky and its majesty flowed through him, enchanting and overwhelming. He would store memories of _the Night_ in his soul to bring them through years to come.

Ultimately _, The Swan_ was born out of it: the pristine beauty and gut-wrenching suffering entwined in a spell-bounding and tragic performance of the _Notte Stellata_.

Yuzuru stepped on the ice to take everyone into immersing world of his own creation or at least those who wished to follow him.

“Come…Come with me,” he used to whisper in front of a mirror while working endlessly on each of his moves: the flexing of muscles, the bend of his graceful arms and wrists, the tilt of his chin and the aristocratic bow of his head.

He sought _Perfection_ and longed for _Beauty_ to reign supreme.

 

“Are you doing your image training again, Yuzuru? It is already very late, baby! Please! It’s time go to bed, you need some rest!”

“There is no need to worry, okaa-san! I’ll finish soon! I promise!”

His mother was always at his side: caring and trying to make his life as comfortable as possible. Yuzuru knew how much his family had to give to a make it possible for him to chase his dreams. The way Yumi used to ruffle his hair lovingly and smile warmly at the darkest of times – a ray of sunlight in the gloomy kingdom of his own insecurities and fears.

Yuzuru sighed, turning to lie on his side. Pooh-san was at his bedside table like a proud sentinel. The teddy-bear toy not only his lucky charm but a _true friend_. Yuzuru had no doubts some considered it a quite strange that a twenty-four year old young man was still living with his mother and wasn’t embarrassed to call Pooh-san his “best friend and beloved companion”. Maybe some people exchanged amused glances behind his back in a _geniuses-have-their-own-quirks-so-what_ manner. It didn’t offend Yuzuru in the slightest. He laughed off stupid journalist questions and knew how to weigh each word to convey his thoughts in order to protect from blatant lies. Unfortunately, sometimes the content of his interviews got twisted and it disheartened him; living under a constant scrutiny is excruciatingly hard.

“Losing feels like dying.”

They would never grasp the true meaning behind it. Yuzuru heard Toshl’s poignant lyrics about _silver_ _tears_ and it made something inside of him resonate and tremble with the wild desire of revanche. He sensed that their collaboration with the legendary Japanese rock singer was fated and Yuzuru _always_ accepted what destiny bestowed upon him – be it another seemingly insurmountable obstacle to overcome or a glimpse of pure and undiluted happiness to cherish.

“Quad Lutz, quad flip, quad axel...”

_A quint?_

He had to move further and beyond, he knew not how to stop. _He was afraid to know_.

 

*

 

Yuzuru cleared his mind, furrowing his brow in concentration. He shifted his weight to find a more comfortable position, legs outstretched and ribcage rising and falling in a strictly controlled breathing pattern.

Distractions were always extremely irritating. Yuzuru learned how to conquer his nature but there was one unfortunate exception, a tiny snaking crack in his perfect armour of well-thought and immaculately organized daily existence.

Javi Fernandez or simply – _Jabi_.

Yuzuru was unnerved by the way Javier smiled and by the way his broad palms used to reach out towards his waist, as if there was an invisible magnet.

The sparkle of attraction for Yuzuru to stomp with vigor and utmost resolve…

_I love his quad sal. I love his quad sal. I love his quad sal._

The magical mantra which helped Yuzuru to return back to reality, as soon as he dared dreaming of his training partner in the dead of night while lying awake, all disturbed and heaving.

_Kuso._

“Hey, _Yusu_! Let’s go and grab something to eat! Do you love strawberry milkshakes..? I know a place where they are the best in the whole Toronto! I swear you won’t regret!”

_Kuso._

“Maybe you’ll come to play some _PS_ games at my place tonight? Wouldn’t you like to finally meet my one and only fur-ball Queen, Her Cat Majesty Effie…? ”

_Kuso._

Yuzuru shook his head, sighing wistfully, excuses already on the tip of his tongue.

“I am too tired. Sorry, Jabi!”

“I don’t like eating in other places than my home…Sorry, Jabi! Maybe one day you’ll come to dinner to me…”

That day never arrived though; the special day when Yuzuru would let Javi (or anyone else, for that matter) into his guarded shell, into a mysterious domain of his personal space.

Yuzuru saw goals, interchanging and glaringly vivid and he had no intent to back down in the slightest. He was carrying mountains of expectations on his slender shoulders and his own were the hardest out of all.

“You don’t need to be always perfect, Yuzuru,” Brian smiled heartily, his eyes shining with pride.

Yuzuru bit his lower lip and nodded vehemently a couple of times.

“I do. I do. I do.”

His thoughts were echoing in his mind with blinding clarity and Yuzuru bunched his fists.

_Less a certain cheeky brat with a cute ‘mushroom’ cut will never forgive me._

*

 

Too bad at times Yuzuru’s own body presented a powerful distraction in itself. His skin would become oversensitive to the merest of touches and the feeling of fabric, highly susceptible to practically any stimuli at all – pitifully _touch-starved_ and _needy_ to the point of frustration.

Yuzuru would pant and sweat, pleasuring himself behind a securely closed bathroom door. He tried to be as quiet as possible, jerking off with a practically clinical precision and cold-blooded intent. He wanted to reach a liberating climax quickly, he was chasing it with despair and a single tortured groan escaped his bitten lips the moment bleak and unfulfilling orgasm came.

Yuzuru washed away his own seed from his lower belly and fingers, remaining unsatisfied and numb.

As a rule, the effect lasted for a few days and then everything used to repeat itself: a vicious circle of desire and guilt and distress from such crude display of weakness.

Yuzuru would touch himself lying on his stomach and biting into a pillow, his brow glistening with a thin sheen of perspiration. He would dig perfectly manicured nails of his free hand into his thigh, spreading his legs a bit wider, as the lubed forefinger probed in between his asscheeks. The initial touch would send sparkles of light behind Yuzuru’s squeezed eyelids.

He felt filthy for doing it, yet he couldn’t stop.

The finger slipped inside all the way and Yuzuru groaned, hips straining to maintain the needed angle. It was an exquisite torture – teetering on the very brink and _so, so ready_ to fall into the delightful oblivion…Yet it was not enough.

As the pulsing ache became unbearable, Yuzuru finally resigned, giving in completely and beginning to stroke himself furiously. After several forceful tugs he came, painting his fingers white.

The nights were changing themselves one after the other and Yuzuru developed a ritual of finding solace in his own flesh – touching, inserting, exploring.

Quite soon, Yuzuru realized he enjoyed the stinging sensation of penetration the most – _forbidden_ and _dirty_ and _wrong_ , the one thing that always made him go wild.

 

*

 

Yuzuru saw _him_ by chance on an internet site that specialized on adult toys: sharp dark eyes and black bangs, long neck and pale unblemished skin, narrow waist and powerful thighs…

Yuzuru licked his lips, his mouth suddenly going dry.

 _The resemblance_ was striking and Yuzuru was utterly thrilled, low-key arousal coiling at the pit of his stomach as he was looking at the perfect hard cock erect and ready in the most obscene and delicious of ways.

 _He_ will never tell anyone, _he_ will never betray.

An anonymous online purchase to make his mother frown.

“What is in this big delivery package, Yuzuru?”

“It is a private thing, mom…It is nothing you have to worry about… Very, very big Pooh! I have just received it from a fan in Japan! I love it!”

Yuzuru closed the door of his room in front of Yumi’s bewildered face, her mouth opened to form at least ten other questions. He intended to keep _him_ inside a locked cupboard in his bedroom.

“I am sorry but I have to lock you up! I have no other choice! I hope you are not afraid of darkness,” Yuzuru caressed the silicone cheek of an overly expensive and technologically-advanced male sex-doll with his fingertips.

Yuzuru promised that he would indulge himself once or twice a week, even designing a special schedule which made him shiver with anticipation from head to toe when the predetermined night arrived.

 

*

 

Yuzuru set _him_ against the headboard, his eyes taking in the sight: a finely sculptured, smooth torso and pronounced press cubes, beautiful cock – not too small and not too big and a pair of long hairless legs. The material of the skin was silky and cool to the touch and the artificial jet-black hair looked realistic and shiny. His nightly companion seemingly stared at Yuzuru in defiance, thin lips curved scornfully and Yuzuru felt his blood boil, an incomparable thrill of acute arousal running through him.

With trembling fingers Yuzuru got undressed swiftly, the pair of two impenetrable, glassy eyes burning through him as he was discarding his clothes. Yuzuru sat on his heels on the bedcover in front of _him_ , chewing his bottom lip while contemplating what exactly he wanted.

He bent down languidly and slowly licked the full length of the sex-doll from the base to the tip, aiming to sense the texture on his tongue –its velvety and peculiar feel. He sucked at the cockhead, lips wrapped tightly around it and heat rising to his cheeks, as he was breathing through his nostrils. Yuzuru tried to relax his jaw and take deeper, experimenting and learning at once. He snaked his hand between his legs, suffocating arousal kicking in.

Yuzuru closed his eyes and imagined the voluptuous picture, as if he were an outsider: him on his hands and knees, sucking a hard cock submissively while stroking himself like a dirty slut.

He bit back a whiney moan.

When Yuzuru took a little vial of lube out of the bedside drawer, he was already weeping preecum. He didn’t take his eyes away from the only spectator he had, as he was working on preparing himself: fingers stretching and moving in and out meticulously.

Yuzuru’s heart was thundering in his chest wildly, as he straddled the muscular hips of the male doll, the lubed tip of its cock breaching his entrance.

The sensation was exhilarating and Yuzuru felt delirious – with the need to be filled, with the need to sink lower and lower. He grabbed _his_ shoulders, biting into the side of the neck hard, as his body struggled to accommodate the girth.

_Too much._

Gritting his teeth stubbornly, Yuzuru lowered himself fully, completely overwhelmed and shivering. He had to still for several long minutes before setting an agonizingly slow pace. His thigh muscles were burning from strain and he could taste a salty droplet of sweat on his upper lip.

He had never felt anything remotely like this before.

_Pleasantly filled. In full control. Powerful._

He choked on a wanton groan, as he found a perfect angle – the specifically designed cock nailing his prostate, as he began riding the sex-doll in fierce abandon.

He saw stars, spiral galaxies unfolding on the dark canvas of his tightly shut eyelids.

_More..._

Yuzuru was drowning in his own sweat and _torturous ecstasy_ , primitive movements bringing him higher and higher. He let his thumb tease the head of his leaking cock and he had to bite his quivering lip hard not to cry out aloud, as scorching pleasure shoot up his spine, setting his nerve-endings on fire. His hips momentarily lost their rhythm and he felt on the very edge – blinded by the aching desire and desperate to the point of pain.

“Please, please,” Yuzuru panted, without comprehending _whom_ he was actually addressing his helpless pleas to.

His toes curled into the bedsheets and his back arched beautifully, as Yuzuru came _hard_ , staining the smooth silicone abs of the sex-doll with his semen. It was the most intense orgasm he had ever had and he nearly fainted, his inner muscles clenching the hard cock, mind-blowing aftershocks wrecking his trembling body.

Yuzuru groaned at the feeling of sudden emptiness, as he fell on his back, entirely spent. He was staring unblinkingly at the glistening pearly liquid on the pale artificial skin of the male doll. He scooped some with his fingers, bringing it to his mouth tentatively.

He discovered he loved the taste.

“Thank you,” Yuzuru breathed out into the surrounding semidarkness while looking into the pair of obsidian eyes that resembled his enticing ones so much.

Finally, he felt _complete_.

 

*


End file.
